「心の健康」The Health of the Heart

My grandma passed away at the end of April this year, and our family spent May commemorating her.

Ever since my grandpa passed, 10+ years ago, she had basically been preparing to go. She still took joy in living, but she also made peace with death and reinforced her faith (she was a dedicated Christian). My grandpa had been her best friend and she missed him daily, but despite that, she was still a smiling, happy presence; and over the last decade of her life witnessed all her grandchildren getting engaged/married, and then many of us having children of our own. I’m kicking myself now for not going to visit her more often during these last years, especially with my kids, so that they could know her better.

I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ home when I was growing up - most of my school breaks and after-school afternoons, and when my parents traveled for work I would live there for a few weeks at a time. I remember her being lively, constantly busy with hobbies and friends, and often very strict (a perfectionist, nitpicky with the details). 

As I grew up and moved farther away she seemed to mellow, and about ten years ago while I was living in New York, she wrote me a letter, which I just recently found again and shared at her memorial. In it, she told me that I needed to relax more, and 「心の健康もとても大切です。」(“The health of [your] heart is very important too.”) I’ve been thinking about this a lot after the last few years, trying to find a balance in my life and mindset. It’s still hard for me to see how to do any “self-care” and treat myself kindly without feeling guilty or lazy or too self-indulgent about it, especially with little kids whose needs always seem to be so pressing.

The idea for these vases came from kokeshi dolls - small wooden Japanese dolls without arms or legs, usually painted with simple faces and pretty patterns. While I was growing up, my grandparents would give me a kokeshi doll for every special occasion in life. I remember getting my first one when I was about 7 or 8, when they attended my school’s Grandparents Day. Over the years my collection grew, probably to over 30? I actually can’t remember, since after I moved out of my parents’ house I boxed most of them up to store. I do remember loving them as a child, and had them in a special cabinet where I would periodically take them out to look at them. I was scared of Western dolls, especially the ones that could open and close their eyes, but I always loved and felt that these wooden kokeshi dolls were protecting me somehow. Many of them had carved flowers on their painted clothes; some depicted young girls, some mature-looking matrons - a couple of them even had a smaller head sticking out of their back as though the mother were carrying a baby on her back.

So I decided to make a “kokeshi” vase dedicated to my grandmother, and once I made one for her I had to make one for my grandfather so that they could still be together. Inside I wrote a hidden message from each - from my grandma, her own words,「心の健康もとても大切です。」And from my grandpa, who didn’t talk to us much but spent most of his early life working as hard as he could to provide a good life for his family,「一生懸命頑張ってね。」(Essentially meaning - to try as hard as you can.) In this way the two work together as a pair, one urging you onwards and one reminding you to care for what’s truly important along the way.